Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
