I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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