And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
