Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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