During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
