that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
