tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
