somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
