the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
