are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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