I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
