mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
