I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just invented taco cereal.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
