also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
