Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
