I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
