Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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