This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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