he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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