I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
