um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
as a side note pls kill me
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
