barbara walters just said penis...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
