no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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