what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
