I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
