I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
