Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My boob is missing a layer of skin
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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