I like to think it a success when the cops are called
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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