I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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