This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
