i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
