if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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