Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
