That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
