I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
