walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
