Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
