new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
