I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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