Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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