covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Rumble strips road head = magical
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
