It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
