I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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