And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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