you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
