Sry I called you an 8
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
