There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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