Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
