Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
splinters make it hard to masturbate
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
