Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
