im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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